Silly Woman...and her thoughts!

It is 8:30 AM and I have been up for only about 30 minutes and I have already had every emotion one could possibly have in an entire day. Today AJ has to be at work at 10:00, so when I woke at 8:00 he should have been here. I call for him, no answer. I go and get my morning cup of coffee and the pot is turn off and the coffee is luke warm. Okay he must have turned it off at least 20 minutes ago. The puppies want out...so he must be in the back yard tending to the birds. Next thing the puppies want in. If he had been out in the back they would have stayed out until he came in. Now I check to see if the Van is in the drive and it is. AJ where are you? Well he has been saying he has wanted to start walking, so maybe he has gone for a morning walk. I notice his cel phone is on the table. I make note to tell him next time he goes out for a walk to be sure and take the cel. Now 15 minutes have passed. AJ where are you? I am now feeling a little bit anxious. One thing AJ & ME always do is to tell each other what we are doing. He will always call if he is late, I always tell him if I go to the store or somewhere or we leave notes. We are never out of pocket. But now there is no note and the cel is laying on the table. AJ where are you. I have now been up at least 25 minutes and I have looked out the front window at least 6 times to see if he is walking home. Now that damm imagination starts up. What if he is out walking and has been mugged or worse. What if this is how the rest of my life will be spent...him not here. I really now am getting nervous. AJ WHERE are you? I ask the cats & dogs "where is Daddy?". Maybe I should call Jen and tell her "I can not find Grampy" somehow he has been misplaced. Well I guess I will just get in the car and drive around the block, or what if he got in the van and something happened and he was slumpped over and I could not see him. It now has been at least 30 minutes or more and I have gotten myself in a tizzy over this man. I grab his jacket that is on the back of the chair....he never hangs up a coat, just tosses it on the chair. I head out the front door in my nightgown and his jacket, to go and check the van. As I go down the 2 porch steps and round the corner of the garage, I hear snip-snip. There AJ is on the side of the house, completely out of view from any window or door of the house. He is snipping tree limbs from the big tree we had cut down last fall and putting them in the dumpster. Yes, for the past 35 minutes he was on the side of the house (out of sight) snipping twigs!!!!! All of a sudden I had a feeling I have not had in a long-long time. Mothers you will know the feeling. The feeling you get when one of your kid is lost in a store and when you find them and again lay your eyes on this most beloved thing...you do not know if you want to hug them, yell at them or spank them...for putting you through all the feeling you had when they were lost. That is just how I felt when I saw AJ. How dare him to be out of my sight for 30 something minutes, so early in the morning. How Dare him, to make ME think I may never see him alive again, how DAre him to make ME think my life with him could be over, how DARe him not leaving me a note telling ME good-bye and how DARE him go with out ME saying one more time I Love You. But he didn't go, he was there all the time, just out of sight. ♥